Say When

Greg Fitzsimmons' feature, Say When, is wrapped and I'm all sorts of sad about it. Dave and Paul are the best dudes ever. They are the best friends and the best dudes to act with and the best dudes to hang out with and I've never felt so safe and comfortable to play on screen before. we've decided to work together forever. We'll be weird and wonderful together and maybe someday other people will like it. Greg is an actor's director if I ever met one, and I feel fortunate for that. just knowing that he's down in that editing cave, carving up a doozey of an art film puts me in a solid mental place. something beautiful is surely on the horizon. i did this whole paragraph without using a single exclamation point.

one two three four five so many friends

I was away from New York for 21 glorious days.

I went to Chicago for a whole week. I got a cute little part in a fun movie that Ron Howard is directing. Vince Vaughn is really tall and a bit intimidating but he's got a soft spot for Chicago actors so I've got a soft spot for him. He made me pee myself in the scene. I had to lean out of frame, I was laughing so hard.

There were some fun superstars in my scene but I was just as awe struck with several fantastic Chicago actors that I'd always wanted to meet and here I was, sharing concentrated amounts of space and time with them! It was wonderful to hear their stories, and absorb advice and wisdom. I took a lot of notes. Ron Howard gave me my favorite tidbit, though. He said, "You've just got to keep working all the time. It doesn't matter what it is. You're never too good for the work. do it all! Your friend's video or a short play or take a workshop. Just keep working. If you don't work I will smell it in your audition. I'd rather you snuff me, and act as if I've really put you out by requesting your presence, than reek of that repulsive desperation"...or something close to that. I've been thinking about that a lot lately since I got back to New York...You're never too good for the work.

I went straight from Chicago to Los Angeles to begin shooting a feature that sir Greg Fitzsimmons is directing. There's a whole mobile food culture in LA that I never knew about. Gourmet food trucks. There's a grilled cheese truck and biscuit truck and a korean bbq truck and a vietnamese sandwich truck and a french fry truck there are HUNDREDS OF THEM! I ate a lot. I play a young lady who invites a new friend to go on an epic adventure to eat at all the food trucks in Los Angeles. That's the general premise, I guess.

We shot an incredible amount of footage in a very short amount of time. Dave and I collaborated with Greg to create scenes and moments, and the rest of the crew --Mike and Dave the unstoppable Australians and TJ with funny one-liners and Dave the Gem DP was always rolling something grand -- threw in bits and pieces to refine dialogue frequently. It was a very new way to work from my experience, and I welcomed the change. Dave D was flawless per usual and kept me on the mark. Greg was an anchor and a director of directors and an endlessly deep well of ideas and solutions. Here he is, probably making a really important decision while eating red velvet chocolate chip pancakes with a cream cheese dollop that may or may not be a set prop.

It felt very important, what we were making. I feel all protective and noble about the whole thing. I learned all about Los Angeles! I had, like many Midwesterners, an unfounded prejudice against the place. It might be all of those shallow vapid things people say it is, but it's also beautiful and lush and warm. They haven't completely tamed the land there. You can watch the sunset when you're stuck in traffic and flowers grow in parking lots

You can associate feelings with places. I'm afraid I've begun to associate feeling down and out with New York. I know I have to give it a lot more time. I wish I did not have to work so hard just to feel at peace here. The anxiety. The acne. The noise.

the flood waters of fatigue

i made a website. you could look at it.

gracerex.com

it's really beautiful outside.
these are my buddies watching a barbecue across the way.
our neighbors seem really cool. kids are always being kids on the street.



My entire scene was cut from A Nightmare on Elm Street. lsldjflsjflakjsf lsajfd lsjflsjflksd. It was my first speaking role in a feature film. hi ho. i'm getting really good at visualizing little tiny dreams, and then watching them dissolve, and having a sob party, and then getting back to the grind pretty darn quickly again. that's something to be proud of, right? yeah! a thicker skin, i think. whatever. my costume was ugly anyway.

i've been writing a lot lately and actually sharing it with people. It feels good. so excited for future projects with friends. We will make good work for and with ourselves! Yes!

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I spent a week in Newton, Massachusetts filming Adam Underground. I lived in a house with four other actors who came in from new york for the project. We made dinners together and had guitar sing-a-longs. It was wonderful to be away from the city. It was wonderful to make fast friends.

we had a house cat named freddy. i judged him for being fat.


we filmed in Newton North High School. It's a massive building. The endless hallways are covered in wacky murals.

sshhhappes!

a whole section of the first floor for this and drafting. awesome.


C'est Moi premiered at IFC theatre this week. ahhhhhhh. I did not poop my pants. no one threw vegetables at the screen. I was satisfied!



Things are looking up, guys. we're planting some roots!

catch up

this is a picture of me smoking my first cigarette ever on set. i did not inhale but i did cry inside. i look a bit like an asshole. thankfully i was playing one. hi ho hi ho. C'est Moi (directed by the lovely Jessica Rotondi) premieres at the IFC center on april 27th as part of the Columbia University film festival. it's sold out, yo. too bad for yous.

i thought times were tough, until i saw this dog. bitter, bitter fool.

country mouse

i live in new york.
it has been many moons.
this is butters in a puddle.
more very soon.